Goodbye Job

After about 8-10 months of hardcore searching (that's about 15-20 hours a week) I finally landed myself a job that allows  me to do things like eat. I accepted my offer on December 15, 2011.

This search and need and stress was what had been ripping up my adrenal glands so I am totally fatigued. I need some recovery, but, I already feel a great sense of peace knowing I accomplished what I had been working so hard for.

Listen, there isn't anything in life that can't be solved by hard work. Conan said it best, actually, and this is how I sort of feel.

If you work really hard and you are kind, amazing things will happen.

Saying Goodbye
I can't say anything bad about the people I worked with in my last 4 1/2 (and not just because they know where I live) but because I couldn't have asked for a better group of people. Sure, I wanted to knife-face-stab a couple from time-to-time, but, I count myself truly blessed for their support and guidance. In a very real way - they each saved my life. They were there in their quirky, supporting, demanding, casual, OCD, dramatic, funny and snarky way when I was at my sickest and when I went through the worst times in my life.

My final email to my coworkers read:

Dear Coworkers,

Ahh, where to start – for the last 4 ½ years this place has been my home. I truly feel blessed to have gotten to know, annoy and work with all of you. I will miss you guys more than I can say. . .even though I threatened to knife-face-stab some of you or set you on fire. But, in all seriousness, about a month after I started here, I learned I was actually pretty sick and pretty close to death -  and I showed up for work the next day and continued coming to work throughout my treatments even when I could have taken a leave. I did this because you guys are pretty damn awesome, amazingly supportive, creative and smart. And not too hard on the eyes, let’s be honest.

If anyone wants to get in touch, keep in touch or requires bail money. . .[contact information]

If you work really hard and you are kind, amazing things will happen.

Thanks for everything people!
~Amanda

I'd just like to post some of the moments with my fabulous former co-workers:

Manda: Did I solve your problem? lol
Lisa: yes you did.  omg, you're fantastic! Just when i think you've exceeded you're awesomeness - boom!
Manda: Some call me the space cowboy

Kristen: Well what am i suposed to do amanda!!!!!
Manda: live life
Kristen: i dont know why im yelling at you
Manda: I think you find it theraputic. Just be awesome. That's what you do
Kristen: i can do that

Brandy: Are you saying you are a homewrecker, Scott?
Scott: Absolutly not.
Manda: Scott reafirms marriage because when a guy or girl goes out with him, they are like, "Holy, I'm going to work on my marriage if this is what is out there."
Scott: *throws a pen at me*
Stacy: I like how you said guy or girl.
Manda: Scott can't be picky.

Stacy: Are you boozing?
Manda: Nope. Using my handsantizer. It's my mid-day pick-me-up.
Stacy: Well, you do smell like mothballs, as someone once said.
Manda: Yeah, and she smells like job-less.

Stacy: Hello
Manda: burger
Stacy: When you review for Tim make sure he has one activity per module
Manda: Pipe cleaner
Stacy: I told him to in the email i sent
Manda: Flea
Stacy: And if he didn't he needs to
Manda: Butter
Stacy: Just sayin'
Manda: Ostrich
Stacy: What does that even mean?
Manda: Hopscotch

Frank: Why don't we have a Rat Pack?
Manda: You're looking at it, baby.
Tim: Who was in the rat pack?
Manda: There Bolgart, Davis Jr, Sinatra, Lawford, Dean Martin-
Frank: I'm Sinatra because I'm smooth.
Tim: I want to be Dean Martin.
Manda: I want to be Sammy Davis, Jr. People mistaken me for a black man all the time.

Brandy: you're good
Manda: Oh, I know. I know.
Brandy: I know you know
Manda: I know you know I know.
Brandy: well i know that you know that i know that you know.
Manda: I know that you know that I know that you know that I know. You know?
Brandy: Oh i know
Manda: *fist bump*

Lisa: Hey, Sluts-R-Us.
Manda: Shut up, Nebraska. We built this city on rock 'n' roll.

Kathy: I am very pleased to announce the addition of Amanda Lee to the Finance Team!
Manda: I still have rights to the following names: Amanda, Manda and AK-47.

Scott: Yeah, once your turn 26, it's all down hill.
Frank: All you have to look foward to is death.
Scott: So true.
Frank: Death is the greatest adventure.
Manda: I always thought it was the female orgasm.

Frank: That's for looking out for my health.
Manda: I want to keep you around. I mean, one day you are going to break up with that bi-sexual Cuban and be all vulerable and that's when I am going to pounce.
Frank: I'm always vulenerable.
Manda: I have that affect on boys.
Frank: Seriously, pounce anytime.
Kristen: What do you call it when you sleep around a lot?
Manda: Are you suggesting I sleep around a lot?
Frank: Man, I wish you would.
Manda: Being slutty?
Kristen: No. Like when you have relaitonships. It's a word.
Manda: Poloyamerious?
Frank: I called the bi-sexual Cuban out on that. She said she was poloyamerious and I was like, "no, you're just slutty and that's ok because I'm slutty, too." Let's just call it for what it is.
Manda: Maybe you should be like, "hey, you lied to me, we can fix this with a threesome."
Frank: That's not out of the question. Just got to find a willing party.
Manda: You can pick them up in bars.
Kristen: How do you know this?
Manda: I have diverse interests.
Frank: Haven't been able to find anyone.
Manda: Craigslist.
Frank: That's a good idea.
Kristen: Frank, you are the Craigslist Killer.
Frank: Ok, first, you're right. Second, how did you know?

Joe: Did he meet the rats?
Manda: He did.
Joe: Did he touch them?
Manda: He did.
Joe: Did he run away?
Manda: He did not.
Joe: What's wrong with him?
Manda: I don't know.

Friend: He's cute! OMG. You are serious?
Manda: I don't date losers.
Friend: Right. What does he do?
Manda: Lawyer.
Friend: OMG, this is the guy you met at Mixx on Saturday?
Manda: Yes.
Friend: Did you bone him?
Manda: It's physically impossible for me to bone someone.
Friend: I'd totally hit that. You should hit that.
Manda: Simmer down. I'm not easy. You gotta work for this jelly.
Friend: Look fimilar: Sat, Feb 5, 2011 at 4:45 PM: Amanda: I'd do him.
Manda: Oh, fiddlesticks.

Rose: i am thinking shop N bag thought i would let ya know
Amanda: I brought my lunch today
Rose: OMG see I invite you out and you don't want to go.
Amanda: Well, you're rejection hurt. I had to pack. Eat in the dark. Alone. Crying. Softly. . .
Rose: You want me to do that or you did that yesterday?
Amanda: I'm doing it now. lol
Rose: oh gezz. Well i do that every day on my lunch break so deal
Amanda: Yeah. .well. . .I deal with your face
Rose: you dont!! There are like 4  monitors between us!
Amanda: I can feel it. . .Burning
Rose: Just like your vag!

Kara: Oh, well sometimes better to plan for more and end up with less.
Manda: Oh. . .
Kara: Wow - TWSS!
Manda: That is NOT what she said.

Mark (9:09am): Gonorrhea might be going superbug
Manda (9:09am): Oh. .hello

Manda: Sorta makes you feel smarter
Brandon: sorta makes me weep for the future.
Manda: We are the future
Brandon: we are the children
Manda: We are the world
Brandon: thanks Michael...we love you.
Manda:: Do we? Or does he love us.
Brandon:  i mean...he's dead.
Manda: Is he? Is he, Brando?
Brandon: i sure hope so, cuz that means i spit on the wrong corpse. Wow...even i found that in bad taste
Manda: Can you ever spit on the wrong corpse?
Brandon: i dont know.

Manda: I don't likle all that typing noise over there
Mike: it's not bad, don't worry
Manda: Mm-hmmm. I hit you with a crowbar for every revision.
Mike: !!!
Manda: Just saying. New process.

Tim: what!? I'm printing them already
Manda: Nothing! This conversation never happened. These aren't the droids you are looking for. Move along.
Tim: So do u want some shots or now no
Manda: Nope. You don't follow directions. You're totally getting shot in the head during the z-poc
Tim: Well what the fak? I'm creating an iphone app so that ill survive.
Manda: Watch it. I wasn't specific about what head.

Stacy: Do you still have salteens?
Manda: No
Stacy: ok, no problem
Manda: I do have tampons
Stacy: those are not a very good snack...
Manda: No. They are. .taco filling
Stacy: gross
Manda: Indeed

Manda: Hi. We're developing a chart for the Edcomm Slave Trade (EST) project. Anyhow, blonds would automatically be more valuble on the black market. Could you dye your hair blond? I mean, what with the econmey and all. .
Tara: anything for a buck!
Manda: Excellent! Your cooperation in this matter has not gone unnoticed. I'll put you in as a blond
Tara: haha

Jackie: I'll have you know... I would be very valuable on the black market!! lol
Manda: Oh, totally
Jackie: haha  tara sent me the message and it totally made my day
Manda: But, our customers look at invoice bottom lines. . .blonds are in demand right now.
Jackie: haha!!
Manda: However, there is an awesome nitch market for pale skin in black hair. If you could do some skin bleaching. . .I think it would totally bring in a couple Gs
Jackie: haha done and done
Manda: Nice! Your cooperation has also not gone unnoticed. I’ll try to keep you and Tara local. . .
Jackie: phew... i knew this wasnt going to be in the Congrats folder so I was semi nervous about the recognition value. haha just no further than Nigeria
Manda: Nigeria will take anything.

Manda: I need some manuals reviewed.
Kristen: I can do it.
Manda: Let me know when you are about to start, I will go over the process.
Kristen: Let's start in approximately 7 minutes.
Manda: Aprox!
Kristen: Start the timer....now
Manda: Now? Or before. . .?
Kristen: I have been timing since 11:13. 4 minutes...
Manda: I process time differently because I am located in a different area. Have you calculated for jet lag and time zones?

Stacy: Tim parted some plants on his desk. We are going to reinacte the Bible. Tim is Moses, Mike is Jesus, Scott is Judus, Kristen is Noah's and you are going to be Mary Magdalene.
Kristen: She was the whore.
Manda: Mary Magdalene was not a whore.
Tim: Whore.
Stacy: But you have a whole movie about you called the Da Vinci Code.
Manda: why am I the whore?
Stacy: You are going out on a date on a school night.
Tim: Yeah, picking up hoodrats in Delware. I've spent some time in Delware.
Manda: Just because you call a girl "Delware" doesn't mean you have ever been in the state of Delware.
Mark: You're not even coming in tomorrow are you?
Stacy: Wait, you come in late this morning, leaving early tonight and your not coming in tomorrow? If you aren't coming in tomorrow, I'm not coming in tomorrow.
Scott: Amanda, I don't think you're a whore. No guy would touch you. You suck.
Manda: Are you saying I suck like your face on a grown man's dick?
Scott: Touche.

Manda: Hi buddy!
Scott: hey cupcake how are you
Manda: I'm awesome squishy-pants! How are you?
Scott: im doin well thanks puddin...
Manda: How old are you today? 40? 42?
Scott: Dick 27
Manda: Mark will be supplying the dick for you this evening.
Scott: haha i will be in AC at a party.
Manda: Well, watch your corn-hole. You only got a couple good years left with it. Then it's like throwing a hotdog down a hall.
Scott:  hahah...thats not my style so my "corn-hole" will not be touched
Manda: Touched, no. Pounded, yes.

Frank: Whoa, who's the hottie with the boobs?
Kristen: Shut up, she's like 18.
Manda:That's legal.
Tim: Amanda, you think what I say.
Stacy: Whoa.
Tim: I mean, Amanda, you say what I think.
Manda: I know, you didn't have to say it.

Director of HR: Amanda, your [Out of office forms] are def the sign of a sick but hilariously creative mind!!!

Katherine: what are standards?
Manda: They are like clothes. Something you claim you like and have but you only wear them to be socially acceptable.

Great Advice #37: A Good Fight

Welcome to the first Thursday of 2012. At least, according to the Gregorian calendar.

A good fight is a fight that results in another fight.

Context
I'm going to take credit for this one. I thought of it when I was trying to communicate the importance of fighting in a relationship. And I don't mean fighting as in drop-down, drag-out battles or abusive behaviors. I mean arguments, disagreements and occasional bickering that happens between people at various non-fatal or non-casualty-inducing pitches.

Sorry. It's cute when you fight

Application
How you fight and how you deal with the after affects of a fight are key in a relationship. The point of a fight in a relationship is to be able to have another fight. It is important to fight fair, to admit when you are wrong, to apologize, to forgive and to make-up. It's also important to know how to agree to disagree and work together on solutions.

By fighting in a way that you continue to safely have arguments, the relationship becomes more important than the disagreements. The day you fight in such a way that you never have to fight again, is the day your relationship is over.

Remember, having fights with your mate is not a sign of a weak relationship, it is actually very healthy. Be sure to fight fair and never say something so horrible to cuts your mate to the core or cannot be taken back. Aim to fight again which means working to resolve the argument, compromise on issues and return a loving balance to your couplehood.

Like My Advice?
To catch up on past posts, you can visit my Great Advice Series page which contains a complete list of links to all my Thursday posts.

As always, if you think you have some good advice for me to report on, leave me a comment on this post or email me at DatingManda@gmail.com.

Image Credit
Kittens from wegotthiscovered.com.

The Power of Doubt

I have gone into relationships with doubts. I think, to a point, you always have doubts. Especially once you have been hurt before. Doubts can rear up and save you before you take a bad fall. In these two ways, doubt is a very powerful and helpful thing.

A Case Study

I was once engagement ring shopping with my friend. The ring was for his girlfriend, not me. Since he decided the whole thing to be a complete surprise, he was going to get the ring himself without her knowing or without any of her input. 

Friend: The ring is a gift from me. She doesn't get to pick it out, watch me pay for it and wear it out of the store or something. That's the most insulting and stupid thing. I am asking her a question, I want to ask with a token that I picked out. I have to take the risk, I have to ask the question. She doesn't get it all. She doesn't get to look at magazines and leave me hints. It's my job to know her and pick out something she likes. We aren't going to the store, she picks it out and then I pretend to hid it in my sock drawer and tell her she has to wait for me to ask. That's a load of not very nice fertilizer. 

There was a lot more profanity in the rant. I'm just saying, I cleaned it up. Anyhow, his point was clear - he was going to do this on his own, without even a hint in her direction and he was going to take me along with him because he had not idea what he was doing. 

I was quite surprised when he settled on a ring and we had this exchange:

Friend: Do you think she'll like it?
Manda: I'm not going to marry her. Do you think she'll like it?
Friend: Yeah. It's her style.
Manda: This is it. Your financially and emotionally linked commitment to one girl for the rest of your life.
Friend: I think I'm going to hurl. [Puts forehead on glass, takes deep breath].
Manda: Having doubts?
Friend: When you put it like that, I do.

The Focus

Poor guy, in one moment he was so completely focused on the possibility that she would say no or that they wouldn't stay married he instantly thought he was not ready.

We create a lot of our own doubt in relationships because we think we shouldn't have any. So many couples say, "I just knew!" and market their relationship as a fabulous fairy tale without a hint of doubt that they might be making a mistake. And if they end up finding the did make a mistake, they will confess later they really didn't think it would work out but they were to naive/swept-up/forced into the relationship. 

The Power

Doubt is real and powerful. Doubt is the little thing that tells you, "This is not certain." It tells you that what you have right now is not forever.

Doubt should never be the focus of your emotions. You can't go through life doubting everything good is going to go away. Doubt tells you the focus should be preserving, protecting and cherishing what you have now so it has a chance to continue to be yours and grow.

True

Let me list a couple things in life that are not certain:

• Winning the lottery.
• Getting that promotion.
• Being left 10 billion dollars by a distant relative.
• Popcorn.
• Animals.
• Happiness. 
• Family. 
• Love.
• Tomorrow.

Have doubt about everything in your life. Embrace the doubt and ask it where it is coming from. Tomorrow isn't certain, there is always some doubt there, so make your actions in your relationships count today. Use the fact that nothing is forever to work to preserve what you have. Never take love for granted.

Image Credit
Forever image from streetfiles.org.

Real Love

I can't tell you how many times friends have come to me telling me they are in love. While 75% of the time it tends to be with an inanimate object or non-human, a good 25% of the time it is with another person.

I totally support love. 

I fell in love with Corbin, my friend's rat-baby

I can't say I am always convinced it is endurable love. . .

Friend: OMG, I'm in love.
Manda: No you aren't.
Friend: I went on this date. It's going to end in marriage.
Manda: What's her last name?
Friend: I don't know. It doesn't matter.
Manda: I think I won my point. 

I am also reminded of the stereotypical jib-jab about, "How did you know s/he was the one?" and the reply being, "I just knew." Normally followed up by someone looking at me and saying, "Love is amazing. One day you will find it. It just happens!"

It just happens like me not wearing underwear just happens. That's what I say. Love takes thought, work and a bit of luck (or not doing laundry). However, it comes out of my mouth as, "Thanks. I'm so happy for you!"

Boink!

Signs of Love
Love is a wonderful mix of biology, humor, compatibly, luck, timing, passion and probably some other things like eye of newt and unicorn pee. However, there are some common themes that most people can relate to when they are really in love.

• Positive Feelings: Beyond the originally rosy stage when everything seem brighter, when you are in love, you have many more positive feelings toward your mate and your life than you did before. You don't feel insecure about your relationship or the type of person your mate is. Sure, s/he can drive you batty, but at the end of the day (or fight) you find yourself focusing more on the good parts of your life.
• You Care: You care about your mate - maybe slightly more than yourself. This means you sit through all the Twilight movies because you care for your mate. You also like being with your mate - if you are going to have to sit through some boring sports match, you find it fun because of your mate. At the end of the day, you are happy to be coming home to your mate. You care when s/he has a fight with a family member or has a tough day at work and you are happy to be there emotionally and physically. 
• You Fight: A good fight is a fight that results in another fight. This means when you disagree and even downright fight, you don't hurt your mate, you don't call him/her bad names and you know how and when to end the fight. In other words, you solve your problems, forgive each other, fight fair and probably fight again. The fight doesn't shake your relationship and you both know how to admit and accept being right and wrong. 
• You Forget Past Loves: Many people fall in love more than once and have more than one relationship. When you are in real love, you tend not to romance past relationships or compare your relationship (good or bad) to the past. You don't have to hide the fact that you had past relationships but you are indifferent toward them because your needs are being met by your current relationship and mate. 
• You Protect: When you are in real love, you protect yourself and stop taking as many risks because you don't want to hurt your mate by, say, driving 100mph into a tree. You also protect your mate and defend him/her against other people's (wrongful) negativity. You never bring your mate down in public or private. You make sure in whatever way you can, you provide and protect the unit that is your relationship - financially, emotionally and physically. 

Final Thoughts
There are many signs and feelings of love. And remember, love is temporary but because you have loved doesn't mean you won't love again.

Here is some humor for you.

Image Credits
Lovers from englishbaby.com.
List from dating.failblog.org.

Relationship Resolutions!

If you want to lose weight, you should be reading Fit2Fat2Fit. If you want to gain emotional weight, then you are in the right place.

Really, that joke sounded better in my head.

Of course, while you are making zillions of resolutions, you might as well make a couple for your heart, soul and relationship.

Ha. Funny

For those who celebrate the New Year and are into making resolutions and are with someone you adore, it would be a good time to make a couple for you and your mate. In fact, with a couple tweeks, you could probably make all of these work for platonic friends and family.

Relationship Resolutions
Here are some good ideas for some resolutions you can make to improve and enhance your relationship.

• Face time: Make a plan to spend an extra 10-20 minutes a day talking to your mate. Turn off your cell phone, get off those dang Internetz and book some real time chatting about your day, listening to your mate's thoughts and investing some undivided attention to your relationship.
• Gratitude: I wrote a post called Gratitude and Relationships not to long ago. You should work, this year, on making sure you show your gratitude to those you care about. Thank your mate daily. 
• Re-Invent Date Night: Make plans for a date night - a chronic date night. Get out with the one you love a little more. Make a plan once a week or twice a month where you and your mate can enjoy a shared activity or try out some new things or even just grab some coffee together.
• Forgive: Things aren't always rosy. They won't always be rosy. Make a plan to forgive your mate (and yourself) for past problems and mistakes. Start off fresh and focus on your future and the hope that brings rather than holding on to past bitterness. 

For my final tip, it's simple, tune-up or check-out now. If you are not in a relationship that meets your needs or you cannot meet the needs of your mate, make a plan to invest fully in fixing this or go for a clean break. If you aren't ready to lose your mate, enroll in therapy or have a real heart-to-heart. If you know there is no hope for the future, end it now and be fair to your mate. 

Image Credit

Calvin and Hobbs from notefromlapland.com.

Happy New Year

And now, a special post from 2011!

Dear World:
It was a pleasure serving you for the last 365 days. I have asked 2012 to give you an extra day as a secret bonus.
Love,
2011

Remember, if you follow the Gregorian Calendar, 2012 is a leap year and there are 366 days.

Image Credits
Image from babble.com.