If you are online dating - woooo!

Seriously, I tell a lot of people the whole dating game and online dating game is a game of pure statistics. You cannot expect to book dates, find relationships or meet people if you sit alone in your room or refuse to respond to messages or send messages out.

Choosing a Service
The right service can make all the difference when you are looking for a relationship. Paying for an online service might get you more serious daters than a free site, a less mainstream site might be better if you have specific needs or wants.

Help me Internetz!

Do a little research on dating sites before you commit entirely. Many sites are either free or offer a free trial - you should take advantage of these. This is the equivalent of finding the right bar or social club to join to find the right people you click with. AdultFriendFinder.com is not the same as Match.com or eHarmony.com or even NoLongerLonely.com.

Set Your Expectations
You get your account and you see 10,000 potential dates in your area. Awesome! Let's do this! Ok, let's take a moment before you go diving into your new target rich environmental and chase away all the good stuff.

Uh oh

Setting your expectations is key when you are dating because your first date right out the door is unlikely to be "the one" and you might even crash and burn a couple times. This can be painful. It can also be reduced and avoided. Bring up your search criteria and do a little soul-searching about what your deal breakers are. Deal breakers aren't normally things like "redheads" or "has cats." Keep your list looking like this:

• No drug use. 
• Employed. 
• No criminal record. 
• Has time for a relationship - works no more than 50 hours a week.

While we are thinking about expectations, look at every picture and profile with a grain of salt. It's not so much that everyone lies, but, you can estimate that most profile stories and pictures show only the best of someone and that might be a thin slice of the pie. So, yes, you are going to be lied to.

Set Up a Good Profile
I actually wrote two stellar articles about profiles which you can read:

• Fundamentals: Your Photo: Post updated, clear, honest, clean photos of yourself. Put your best foot forward. Don't post photos from 7 years ago (unless you look exactly the same) and don't only post photos where you look 10lbs lighter or, you know, those photos where someone says, “Hey, you look really good there!” The bulk of your pictures should be natural, clear and look like you – flaws and all!
• Fundamentals: Your Profile: Having a shinny, thought-out profile communicates to the masses, “I put some thought into this, I'm not a loser, I'm pretty awesome, actually.” Having a junky, error-ridden profile says, “I will treat you like I treated this profile! You will be confused and unsatisfied.”

First Messages
I have a simple rule when I am online dating - respond to every message. Anyone who takes the time to email me will get at least one reply from me. However, not everyone has such a policy so you need to make sure you spend some time in crafting a good message. (You can learn more about the importance of your message by reading The Online Bar (First Impressions).

You need to focus on this message and keep it as non-threatening and almost bland as possible. Why? Because the person getting your message doesn't know who you are and might have been contacted by a lot of creeps. You want to make sure your message comes across as being of good intent, high-interest and intelligent. Then your profile will speak for the rest.

I will request, humbly, you avoid copyin-n-pastin the same generic message to everyone. First, you never know if you are going to send it to the same person twice. Second, just don't do it.

To ensure a good message keep the following points in mind:

• Write well: Be literate. Never ever use the following words - wat, luv, u, ur, ya, r. 
• Avoid physical compliments: On your first message, avoid complimenting someone on his/her looks. Don't call someone sexy, pretty or beautiful. You might be able to get away with, "You have a nice smile" but I would suggest avoid sending a message that might make the recipient thing s/he is just a piece of meat. 
• Be specific: Pick out one or two specific, non-sexual things you like about this person you are writing to. The more you can display a common interest about something, the more you are making a connection and inspiring the recipient to respond.

Being Safe

I did write an article at the birth of this blog about being safe when you are online dating. It is very, very important you understand there is an element of danger when you use online dating to meet people. A true predator can easily convince you to drop your guard and get you into a bad situation. Even scam artists will try to get your money all under the guise of love. (Read more about this on my Safety and Online Dating post).

• Never invite someone to your residence. 
• Never give out your personal information. 
• Never do anything you are comfortable with. 
• Always let someone you know where you are. 
• Always meet in public places. 
• Always listen to your gut. 

Image Credits

Expectations previous sited.

Online dating from midlifebachelor.com