Match.com check in time! Otherwise known as, "the product and process of my inner child dying!"

• You Did What?
• Match.com: Round 2 Check In
• Match.com Check In: Two Weeks
• Match.com Check In: Three Weeks
• Match.com Check In: Four Weeks
• Match.com Check In: Five Weeks 
• Match.com Check In: Six Weeks
• Match.com Check In: Seven Weeks
• Match.com Check In: Eight Weeks
• Match.com Check In: Nine Weeks
• Match.com Check In: Ten Weeks
• Match.com Check In: Eleven Weeks

Statistics
This is Round 2 on Match for me and currently, I can report the following:

• I have been on Match.com for 84 days.
• I have had my profile viewed 4331 times.
• I have sent about 138 emails in the past 30 days. 
• I have received about 152 emails in the last 30 days.
• I have been on 0 dates. 

The Board
Things had been looking a little better, but, then they went downhill. Spoiler alert. Here is a recap of my dudes:

• The Model.
• Karate-IT Guy.
• Brian.
• The Local.

The Model
This very attractive looking gent emailed me. He's a fitness model and gave me laundry lists of his working out (including muscle groups) and then his adventures in parties, traveling to NYC on a whim, biking 45 miles, hitting up comedy clubs at midnight. Dude. DUDE! I can't keep up.

Although he did say he ate brunch. Brunch is awesome. It's like - hey, I want some breakfast. Oh, and I want some pasta. And bacon. It might be the perfect type of eating.

I think it was most telling when I said I wasn't sure what I was looking for anymore and I had to start living and working on myself more before I date and try to foster a relationship.

He asked for my number.

Karate-IT Guy
His profile states, "I like to work hard and play hard, too!"

Friend: What's wrong with this guy?
Me: His eyes are dead.
Friend: It matches your soul.
Me: You make a valid point.

Brian
Yep. That's his name. He thinks he's funny but all his email jokes are lame. Is this enough to move along? Yep. The point is, he keeps trying to be funny and I have to ask him what he means and then he's like, "Oh, it was a joke." For example:

Him: I bet you like Halloween.
Me: I do. We dress up here at work - last year I was a mad scientist.
Him: That's awesome! I could go with you as a corpus.
Me: I dressed up last year, though. . . it's in the past, you can't "go with me."
Him: It was a joke. 

Me: I hope you don't kill hookers.
Him: Whisper down the lane does not work well at all. I like to do alot of things.
Me: I don't understand.
Him: I was just making a joke to your comment and how you could of heard about it.....like whisper down the lane and that by the end it gets all messed up what was actually said.

The Local
This guy had a profile that made me doubt he was being truthful since his "most recent picture of me!" looked nothing like the other two - which I image were taking probably 5-10 years ago. The problem is, he looks entirely different. Apparently, he believes no one will notice. Ever.

He gave me his number, so, I popped it into Google and found:

• His full name.
• How I can hire him to play his music.
• A homemade music video of him.
• A video of him preforming at an open mic.
• His Facebook page.

What I really found interesting was - unless I am wrong in comparing the picture of him on his Match.com profile to his Facebook profile - he's a liar.

Stalking 101

Do you see "never married" on the Match area and "separated" on the Facebook. Now, I don't mess with separated men, as everyone should know. Additionally, if he he lied about being married - that's a big lie. That means he gets cut.

I made sure to address this in the creepiest way possible.

Me: Should we meet, is there anything you would want to disclose that might come up in a background check?
Him: Can't think of anything major I haven't disclosed. You can shoot me any other questions you might have. I'm confident on the background check.
Me: It's just weird that I found a Facebook page for a John XXX that has your general educational background and lives in the same place and is "separated." 

I'm waiting to hear back.

Best Profile
I don't do this every week, but, the "best" (by which I mean worst) profile this week was:

I AM 5'11" TALL WITH BLACK HAIR AND A GOATTEE.I HAVE BROAD SHOULERS,BIG ARMS AND A THICK NECK.I USE TO BE A FOOTBALL PLAYER AND BODY BUILDER.I PREFER WOMEN WITH OLIVE SKIN,DARK HAIR AND DARK EYES.IT DEPENDS THOUGH.WOULD LIKE SOMEBODY WITH THE SAME INTERESTS .I WOULD ALSO LIKE SOMEBODY TO EXPAND MY INTERESTS,LIKES AND DISLIKES.SOMEONE WHO IS HAPPY HANGING OUT ,WHO IS POSITIVE AND LIKES TO HAVE FUN.I CAN'T STAND PEOPLE THAT COMPLAIN ALL THE TIME,IT'S A DOWNER.ALSO SEEK A WOMAN THAT ISN'T AFRAID TO WORK AND WHO WANTS THINGS AND HAS GOALS IN HER LIFE.I DON'T LIKE LAZY PEOPLE AND LEACHES.I ALSO DON'T NEED A WOMAN THAT FEELS EVERYONE OWES HER SOMETHING LIKE SHE'S A QUEEN OR PRINCESS.MY PARENTS HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 40 YEARS BECAUSE THEY WORK TOGETHER AS A TEAM ON EVERYTHING.THAT CREATES A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE.

Yep. Father of my children.

My Stance

I'm just watching the clock tick down on my Match.com membership. I think it will free up some time. I had an awesome time pretending I was rich and I bought a new shower curtain for my bathroom and some baskets to help organize my stuff. Turned out great and was just the slash of color I needed in my dreary bathroom.

What does this have to do with dating/relationships?!

Nothing. 

Maybe I lost my interest when it has come to this dating thing. Probably still a little tenderhearted in general from my previous endeavors. Being single has become comfortable and liberating as I have no one else to worry about, be accountable to or even plan around. 

I would change it all in a second for the right guy. 

For now, I'm going to take to heart what my bike-buddy said to me once:

Bike-Buddy: I would like to think I can just do what I love and in the process find someone that way.

That sounds perfectly fun to me!

Image Credit

Card from someecards!