As I enter my 30s, I found a lot of the dating pool out there had changed. For one, there are more people who are divorced or who have kids.

As a disclaimer, I have never been married or divorced, nor do I have kids. I do have single and divorced friends with kids who are dating who have told me things. However, as a never-married/childless type, I have my own views and experiences in dating with people who are divorced and who have kids.

 I did read this book.

Let's see if I can string this together into some type of post.

A Word On Statistics
Sure, the common cry is 50% of marriages end in divorce. This is actually a statistic from the 1980s and there is more proof that this statistic has been going down ever since the 1980s. It is more common for children who's parents are divorced to endure a divorce themselves. But, to be realz, currently the statics for marriage is 4.95 per 1,000 will end in divorce.

Anyhow, regardless of statistics, the day-to-day grind of life means there are people out there who have kids - either though a previous marriage or because sometimes you have a kid.

The Dating and Kids Mix
I think that anyone who is a single parent (divorced, never married, whatever) and who can invest some time in dating should.

First, it's a great outlet and will give a single parent something non-kid related to look forward to. Being social and having a good time with quality people is key to keeping yourself happy - and that happy will translate to your child, no doubt. 

Second, there is a good chance you could meet someone who will be an excellent role model to your child. Just because the relationship that created the kid didn't work out doesn't mean a child should be deprived of an adult figure. Some of the people I know who are single parents swore off dating "for the kids" not realizing that there is a good chance of finding someone who will greatly improve the family as a whole.

Just be upfront about having kids - this is pretty easy when online dating as most sites have a "Do you have kids?" question you need to answer. Blind date, things like that might be different, but, get the point that you have the responsibility to raise, protect and be there for your child as a forever priority.

Resistance to Dating Single Parents
Some people have told me they would either ever date someone with kids and I normally ask why. The top answers I got were:

• Kids from a single-parent home must have emotional problems.
• There won't be enough time for me.
• I don't want to pay for the kid.
• There might be something morally wrong with the parent who has custody.
• There might be future problems with the child's other parent.

Keep in mind, these ideas are from childless people. If you are a single parent and dating, figure out how to possibly address these concerns early on because some of them might not even be grounded in reality.

If someone truly believes you are less of a person because you have a child, they are probably best to ignore - don't confront them or try to set them straight, just ignore them.

No Resistance to Dating Single Parents
I also have sections of friends who are more than happy to date single parents because they are older and don't see themselves really having their own, but they do enjoy having children around.

Me: Would you date someone who had kids?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Why?
Friend: Kids are ok. You can do stuff with them without having to have gone through everything. You know, like when they are older you can take them around with your date to baseball games or mini-golfing. if it works out, it's like an instant family.
Me: So, what you're saying is it's like, you want a dog but your don't want to go get a puppy and have to train it and deal with chewing and stuff. You want to get a dog that is sort of grown up but still fun.
Friend: You were raised by wolves, weren't you?
Me It's a metaphor. And arroo.

I also assume single parents might only date other single parents because, as it was said to me, "you need to get the kids thing."

Actually Dating
I wrote a post early on about Safety and Online Dating which covered my thoughts on what information you should keep to yourself at the beginning of a relationship. I think this easily extends to children. If anything, you should be more guarded about your address, name and general location because there is that nasty group out there who might just be targeting you to get at your kids.

When dating, keeping your child's safety, both emotional and physical, should take priority. Remember, the way you date as a parent will be the future model for how your child will date. Just imagine that any mistakes you make, your bad decisions will end up being the blueprint for how your child will search for his/her mate. Set a good example.

I think it's important for kids to be told what is going on, as long as it is appropriate to their age level. It is not necessary to have a child met every date, but, if they understand the concept of a "friend" and that Mom/Dad is going out for some adult time, it can be far less traumatic. It can actually be sort of fun since you kid can have fun with a favorite babysitter or relative on a Friday night. Additionally, s/he will learn Mom/Dad doesn't have to be around 24/7 to provide safety and Mom/Dad will be back!

Introductions
I am sure the point in which your date should be introduced to your child varies based on a lot of things. However, it is not something to take lightly, even if the whole concept of Mom/Dad going out on dates is acceptable.

Older kids might suddenly not be ok with meeting Dad's new woman because it becomes real that there might be another "mom" in the picture. Likewise, a younger child might not want to met Mom's new "friend" because it's scary to have a stranger around. (even if Mom sees this relationship going far).

Make sure you properly assess the situation and set it up in a way that will make the occasion a happy one. Maybe the first time you introduce your date, it's a quick situation as you and your date are leaving for a night out. Once your child becomes comfortable, and you see the relationship progressing, incorporate your child on a couple dates so everyone can have fun together.

Breaking Up
Even the best laid plans, the best screening process and doing everything right can end in a break-up. It happens. As a single person, enduring a heartbreak is painful but it normally only results in our own hurt and, occasionally, some mild annoyance on the friends which we cry to (as outlined in my Heartbreaks post).

Break-ups can effect kids in two major ways.

• You are sad: As a parent, your child looks to you for everything. If you endure a break-up, even one in which your child has not met your date, do your best to keep your emotions in check around your child. Having Mom/Dad go from walking-on-sunshine to crying all the time can be traumatic. 
• Your child endures the break-up: If your child bonded with your date and it ends up not working out, it can be heartbreaking for your child. Make sure you take the time to assure your child everything will be ok and make sure s/he understands people can be trusted, the break-up was not your child's fault and it's ok to be sad.

Final Thoughts
As a parent, the point is to keep your child safe. Make sure you do your homework on your date and make sure to spend some time taking about this whole process - more so if your date doesn't have child of his/her own. Sometimes, what holds a childless person back from dating someone with a child is more the fear of not knowing how to talk or act around a child.

Spend some time with your child explaining what is appropriate. Remember to spend time with your child as you enter the dating world. It's good to spend time with your same-sex/platonic friends and have kid dates to keep everything balanced.

Image Credits
The Three-Martini Playdate: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting can be purchased on Amazon.com.