A cardinal rule in dating is that you cannot change your partner. This is true - a leopard cannot change is spots, as the saying goes. You should never, ever date someone thinking you can mold them into someone or something else. It's not going to work.

 You can't change me.

Accept Them
A person's core values rarely change that much over time. This means, you have to accept your mate as s/he is. A girl who hates having pets is not going to become an animal lover just because you want her to. A guy who enjoys nothing more than spending time in the quiet is not going to turn into a nightclub-hopping freak because you want him to.

On a more scary note, a person who hit the one s/he is with or abuses drugs or frequently commits crimes is not going to change because of you. S/he will not give up a pattern of activity up for you. In fact, if at any point you are in danger, you need to end the relationship.

Abuse and violence aside, there is a slight caveat to this leopard-and-his-spots thing - there are some ways you can change your mate.

Open Communication
The easiest way to "change" someone is to merely ask for what you need. When trying to merge two lives, you are going to have to ask for what you want and need. There is a give and take, a speeding up and slowing down. Sort of like when you are on the road.

 BEEEEEEEEEEP!

Normally, this shouldn't be too hard to communicate you needs or too hard to accept the request of the object-of-your-affection. For example:

• When I get home, can you give me like 10 minutes before you talk to me so I can unwind?
• It would be nice to get out on the weekends instead of always watching TV.
• Can you stop calling me cucumber-butt-muffin face?
• It would be great if you could decide on where we want to go on Fridays. 
• Can you wear pants on occasion? 
• I really like it when you randomly come up to me and give me kisses.
• Can you not be a dumb-ass?
• I really like cooking - how about we stay in and cook a couple nights a week?
• Can you take your shoes off before you come into my house?

If it feels more like it's a fight to get what you want, you might be experience a red-flag of your relationship. That sign might look more like this:

Compromise my bumper!

Exposing Views
People change as time goes by. It has to happen as we are exposed to different ideas and people and have to fold these experiences into our lives. If you thought about the world the same way you did ten years ago, something might be wrong with you. In general, the person you were at 10 is not the person you are going to be at 20 or even 30.

Once you find someone, you will start exposing him/her to your world. This means your taste in music, books, favorite restaurants and activities. In this way, you can change your mate. Though this exposure, you will find your mate will change a bit, perhaps even adopting your likes and passions as his/her own. A girl who might have never been on a boat now enjoys learning about your sailing hobby, and the guy who never worked out in his life is happy to go out for a morning jog.

Behold! You have actually changed your mate. It's a good thing. After all, part of the fun of dating is enjoying activities with someone you care about.

A Word of Warning
Remember, a gentle exposure is best, and be smart about it. A guy who is horribly allergic to animals is not going to want to spend an afternoon with you volunteering at the local animal shelter. A girl who has knee problems is not going to want to train to run a 5K with you.

Additionally, in a relationship, you want to have your own stuff and your own things. It is not necessary for your mate to love everything you do and be with you all the time. Accept the fact that your mate just might not like bike rides or going to the theater or even like your favorite Chinese restaurant.

 Your mate may not be down with your hobbies.

It is not important for the two of you to enjoy everything equally. Just as long as your respect each other and enjoy the time you spend together.

Change Is Good
This "change" concept works both ways, too. If you keep an open-mind, you will find your mate exposing you to what s/he enjoys in life and you might find you enjoy these same things. You will find your views on the world changing. Even if the relationship doesn't work out, you might find you hold on to things you were taught.

As a friend once told me, she was dating a guy who lived in New York City. She told me how she never drank wine, but he truly enjoyed a good wine. While she would probably never appreciate wine like he did, she enjoyed learning about it and sampling some. From this relationship, she took away a standard knowledge of wine and what goes good with what. Suddenly, my friend, who never ordered a glass of wine in her life, was incorporating it into her life and enjoying it.

One might say, she replaced the guy with booze. The booze was worth keeping, the guy was told to take a hike.

Being Open
I believe one of the most important qualities you can find in someone (and maintain in yourself) is being open to the world and being open to change in your own life. This doesn't mean you have to require your mate to love everything you do, or love everything that your mate does, it does mean being open to seeing why they like it.

At the very lest, you are going to have to accept that they love something that you don't. Respect the fact that they have an interest that is not yours.

I mean, I have these two rats and, believe it or not, not everyone is totally into them. I don't know why. Look at how cute they are:

Molly: Why didn't this guy think we were lovable?

Mia: Who cares. His bones are delicious.

Image Credits:

Photo of Tom Leppard, the Leopard Man, from Amazing Data.
The legit merging sign is from myparkingsign.com. 

The other merging sign is from Crypt's Corner. 
Comic from Cyanide and Happiness.