If you have been following my blogging here, you might have picked up that I look at the give-n-take from online dating and try to apply it to what I would do if this exchange happened in real life.

In my brain, I am sitting at a bar, sipping a sexy beverage - when a guy sends a message, I imagine him walking up to me and saying it. I imagine that his pictures are how he presents himself. If it is inappropriate to say in person, it is inappropriate to say online. If your photo is inappropriate, gross or weird. .well. .  .in my fake online bar world, I think I have a weapon next to me. Maybe some type of thigh-holster?

When a guy approaches me in person, there are things I notice.

• Hair (sucker for floppy hair, by the way) and face, in general.
• Are his clothes wrinkly, do they fit well?
• Smile. (also a sucker for a smile).
• Walk general movement and posture.
• Voice.

When a guy sends me a message, there are also things I look for.

Good grammar. 

No “ur” or “u.” I know today we use a lot of this text-speech but when making a first impression, take the time to craft a nice message. You are sitting at a computer, right? Taking the extra time automatically earns you points.

Me: I liked your profile. Check out mine, if you like it, send me a message.
Guy: Whazzup thax 4 riting wanna chill call txt 555-555-5555
Me: No. I don't think I want to buy what you are selling.
Guy: Wut? U makin fun cus i not all perfet
Me: I am not your homie.

Say something! 

Don’t just say “Hi.” The only thing I can really say back is “hi." Unlike in real life, you have time to actually write a couple sentences of substance. At least ask me a question. Something. Nothing is more frustrating then seeing a new, unread message and find it's just a "hi."

Him: Hi.
Me: Hi.
Him: Wanna cht?
Me: No.

Don’t go overboard.

Sure, say I have a nice smile or you really liked the photo of me wearing a fake mustache because it made you laugh. Don’t tell me I am the most beautiful thing you ever saw and I am the most exotic, perfect thing you ever knew and you believe I am your true love then proceed to beg for my attention.

Guy: I came across your profile and you are the most exotic flower on this whole site. I must get to know you, even though I feel as if we are the same person. I would discribe myself as you did in your profile. You are so funny, smart and beautiful. Your smile warmed my soul. I want to know everything about you!
Me: Tú no hablas Inglés.

Desperation and groveling is not attractive. Even if you aren't the coolest cat in the club, fake it in your message. In my online bar, you might as well be the coolest guy out there.

Keep it light, fun and non-demanding.

Responding
So, as you might have known, I respond to every (first) message I get. Normally, all messages (because I'm mouthy like that). I try to keep my end of it casual and similar to if I was making a first impression. I don't know who this guy is who just messaged me, so, I don't outwardly flirt or write anything that might be inappropriate. If I wouldn't say it to a stranger, I don't type it to a guy online.

I do make sure to ask some questions and I always thank the guy if he says something nice.

Though, sometimes, I do respond with, "I don't know how to respond to this." or "What did you expect me to say to this?"

Disclaimer

Everyone notices different things. We are all drawn to different things. But, I don't think there is someone out there who can't say they don't notice when someone takes a little extra effort to make a good impression. Once that impression is made, a connection is formed, you can relax a little more. At least you proved you cared and got my attention.

I remember going on some dates where guys didn't look crappy, but, once the first guy showed up with a nice shirt, nice shoes and smelling good. .I was sort of sold on that. How adorable is it when someone is trying to impress you? 

Knowing how it made me feel (important) I strive to put my best foot forward so the guy I see feels the same way in both the online world and at that first date.