I use to call myself a serial monogamist. I would only date one person at a time. Recently, I have changed that in order to meet more people and not feel at the end of the relationship I “settled” because I didn't have much else going for me. You don't always want to be falling into a relationship for no other reason.

Now, when I say “date” I don't mean “having sex with” or something like that. This is casual dating to learn about the other person and, in my case, to see if there is something worth pursuing. I don't pretend that I am only going on dates with one guy at this stage, I am open about it and equally expect him to be dating other girls. However, as soon as I know I want to focus on one guy, I let it be known. Then the others go away and I have a boyfriend because I am a girlfriend.

The Theory of Three

I have a simple theory – to date well, you should have three guys.

• One guy: Obsessive, you only focus on him and how to make a relationship work.
• Two guys: Competition, you compare one to the other rather than accepting them for who they are.
• Three guys: Neutral, you have a good smattering of choice without going overboard and forgetting names.

Now, of course, at anytime, one or more can fizzle out. In fact, there are time when I am only dating one guy because there was nothing worth pursuing with the other two I first picked, so, I have to return to the online pool to find some others. Also, sometimes you just don't have the time, posts coming on that later.

Anyhow, I have devised a rule, a structure in order to keep myself in line and to ensure my screening process is working AND I don't get to flaky or greedy. 

The Board

The Board can be split into two, one for online and one for offline relationships. There are three activity positions on the Board and one Wild Card. Board positions are set by hierarchy, but two guys can hold the same title as long as the total amount of guys doesn't exceed 3 + 1. In the real dating world, this is the basic structure:

1. Gentleman Caller: The highest level on the Board. This position is actively being evaluated for boyfriend (monogamous relationship) material.
2. Prospect: This guy has already been on two dates, at least, and I am interested to see more of him and where this will go.
3. Contender: This guy is approved for a first date.
4. Wild Card: The Wild Card is not actually on the Board. However, at any point, the Wild Card can knock out anyone else in any position. This position is for a guy who maybe it harder to get a hold of for legitimate reasons. Or maybe, between the two of us, we haven't been able to connect but something about him makes me not want to write him off

The Online Board
Just like with guys I am seeing, the same theory of the Board gets applied to my online-only relationships. I try to focus, talk and pursue three guys at once. I can't control the amount of emails I get, but, guys who tend to email me more are more likely to be on the "Online Board." Guys who I think are cute or generally interesting also are on this Board.

However, if a guy can't keep my attention, then I don't invest as much time or effort into the communications. Again, I am never mean or unkind, it's just I am looking for winners, here.

Look, it's a theory, ok? I try to work with it.

Working the Board 

I always work the Board and remind myself to follow the rules. This means, once I pick a guy to be on the Board, I invest my time in it. I don't let one rough conversation or missed communication automatically disqualify a guy. After all, I see potential in them and I want to expose that, as in all things, this means dealing with the end of some of the flutters and understanding other things.

I also make sure I never pit one guy against another in my own head. It's not a competition. sometimes its hard, but. . .got to look at a person for who the person is, not how he stacks up against someone he never met and might have a different skill set.

What the Board forces me to do, in general, is make real decisions based on what I want (remember that post a l-o-n-g time ago?) and what I believe the guy wants. This Board makes me thinking about what I want, ask what the guy wants and then apply any flutters or possible chemistry I have. Half of the decision is very logical, the other half (like the Wild Card) is based on gut feeling/chemistry.

Example
When looking for my last boyfriend, this is how my Board looked based on the dates I was securing:

• Gentleman Caller: (empty)
• Prospect: Jon – Nice guy, we talked for a really long time and had gone out twice.
• Prospect: Pete – He was super nervous, a little rough around the edges and I felt like I should give him a second chance.
• Wild Card: Adam – We were IMing back and forth, he kept asking me out, almost like a running gag because our schedules didn't met up. Anyhow, I felt drawn to him. We planned a coffee date and he canceled because of work and we rescheduled. We met and talked for hours and pretty much – I was sold. For the next week we saw each other everyday. He moved directly into the Gentlemen Caller zone and later, boyfriend.

Respecting the Board
Whenever I explain the Board to people, they laugh and/or roll their eyes. I'm not sure how strange I am for having this system, but, this is my system.
 
I set up this Board because it works for me. It means I have to take the time to really understand how I think and feel about the guys who I share a mutual interest with. After all, I'm not looking for a hook-up here, I'm looking for something long-term, real and with the potential of marriage in the future.